Chuck Norris officially endorsed Mike Huckabee for President some weeks ago, and whatever you think of either person politically, there is obvious instruction for the Democratic nominee in 2008:Don't be a wuss. Your base hates a wuss. The Constitution and the revolutionaries who wrote and fought for it did not contemplate wussies. We were not born in fear. We want as president someone willing to defend what Robert Parry calls "a higher plane of principle," like that which gave birth to America.
Or as Arianna Huffington writes: Democrats Need To Admit They Have a Problem: They Are Addicted to Backing Down.
No one ever sent John Kerry (Christ, he still sucks) or Nancy Pelosi that memo.
So, some Chuck Norris jokes, courtesy of my nephew, are in order:
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
- When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
- When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
- The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
- Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
- When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?", he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
- Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
- Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
- Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
- Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
- Mr. T. once defeated Chuck Norris in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Chuck Norris invented racism.
- Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
- When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?", he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
- Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
- Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
- Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
- Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
- Mr. T. once defeated Chuck Norris in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Chuck Norris invented racism.
- Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
- Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
That last one is just crazy, buy let's hope the presumptive Democratic nominee for the president of the United States—Barack Obama, gets the message:
In the face of war, terrorism, liars, bigots, Constitution-destroying presidents, and corporations: Do not back down, ever.
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